Why are you single?



This is a question I have been asked  multiple times.

“you are beautiful, intelligent and obviously talented, why are you single?”

“If I was your man, I would never leave a woman like you!”

“You are such a good mom, strong woman, beautiful and successful. What idiot let you go?”

I could go on and on. All these questions all summarise to the same question most keep wondering and asking- why are you single?

The weirdest thing is, I know exactly why I am single. Lol

They say your life experiences make you who you are, so true!

I have dated a cheating man for 7 years, had two beautiful daughters with him and then still watched him leave me for another woman. In the 7 years, I fought hard to keep my family together and not allow other women to break it apart but despite all my efforts, well, he still left me for what he perceived to be a better version of me.

I am currently in the process of writing an autobiography about my experience with cheating and it will be called -” Me and the side chicks”. Therefore, I wont go into too much detail about that for now.

However, during the 7 years, my belief  for love and romance died in that relationship without me realising it. The drama, cheating  and stress I was put through changed the confident me. It made me self doubtful and insecure. The sweet me into a sour, resentful and negative me. The list goes on.  So many things that he did during the relationship changed me so much. My stubbornness got worse as I didn’t believe he deserved any respect from me. Unfortunately, these bad attributes tend to show themselves every time I try to date or start a new relationship.  However, I could argue that it also made me a very strong and independent woman hence why I can face any challenge and come through sailing.

Ooh, how I hated my ex’s phone. So many times I was tempted to just throw it into the toilet and flush it down the drains. Now, I cant stand a man that loves his phone. When something keeps happening to you for years, you start to see it everywhere because to me a man on his phone is probably texting another woman. Yes people, its called paranoia and I am still learning how to deal with it. I am only human.

My experience has turned me into a woman that doesn’t trust very easily, is independant as I dont want to depend on any man and very stubborn. I am guarded when it comes to my heart and probably not the easiest person to get on with…yes, quite a lot of negatives but I am still working on them all. Hence why I am single.

I am not ready to be in a relationship, to give my heart to anyone as it is in pieces at the moment and in the process of renovation. Once that is done, then I will be ready. But for now, I will be remaining single.

So to answer your question:

Q: Why are you single

A: Simple, because I am not ready!


Hope a lot of you can relate to my experience and for those who cant. I hope you never have to go through what I have been through..

Leave your comments below!


I am a single working mother of two. Aspiring novelist and blogger and also a Dental hygienist and Therapist.

4 thoughts on “Why are you single?

  1. Rika,
    It’s not paranoia at all! It’s your gut feeling telling you something isn’t right, and it’s time to run . These are the red flags you’ve been noticing all the time , but chose to ignore them in your previous relationship. Now you act on them much earlier.
    If you wanna talk and hear my story send me a message on FB.


  2. This is so powerful and potent. Kudos for sharing. Many of us are a bit scared to share our stories because we do not want to be judged, don’t wanna be asked the questions, and a myriad of other reasons. Truly inspired Rika #StrengthLivesHere
    I truly love this (can’t wait for ‘Me and the side chicks’…please sign me up for that!)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, many people are too scared to be judged. But my experience will never change no matter how much judgement I receive and I feel like a lot of us go through the same things and find it hard to cope but knowing that you are not the only one and finding out how others cope could help…so why not …

    Me and the side chicks will be an autobiography. I will alert everyone once its complete.
    Thanks again for your support and keep reading, I have a lot more to come..lol


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